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I have GOT to get to bed...I am leaving at 4:30 in the morning and heading to Virginia with 10 teenagers and the youth director from my church. I am so thrilled to be joining them on this trip. We are going to be hiking the AT for forty-odd miles. It will be the real deal: no showers, carrying our packs, and workin hard! The org we are going with, Wilderness Trail, is a ministry so not only are we bonding, enjoying nature, and growing physically, but the org is supposedly great at focusing the whole week on God and how he moves in all of it.
I am thrilled to spend the time with these kids.
I am thrilled to get to do something I've never done before.
I am thrilled to be free...in the woods and in a worship setting.
I am thrilled to see how God will move in the kids lives and in mine.
I hear it's pretty tough so I can't wait to watch the growth that appears over the week. Well, there are a million things that I can say that I can't wait to see but I really do just need to go to bed. I'll just tell you all about them AFTER I see them.
It's been a bit of a challenging week now that things have slowed down a bit. The less I move, the more I find my mind and heart have more going on in them right now than I allowed myself to sit with. One day at a time, one step at a time, for as long as it takes.
I went to the ICON service at First church today after going to Cokesbury and it was an incredibly refreshing service to be a part of. What remains with me the most were some lyrics I had never heard to "marvelous light." Pretty much sums things up.
"I may be down, but I will rise
It may be dark, but God is light."
Beautiful.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wal-Mart...never changes!
I just went to Wal-Mart for the first time since I returned to the country. I have never been a fan of the store but today I was reminded of one of the reasons why.
If there is any place in America that upon your arrival you are bombarded with the idea that you need a million things that you don’t actually need, it is this store.
I was dropped off in the gardening section. I noticed how beautiful the flowers looked and reminded myself that I was going to be moving to Chicago in just less than two months. I don’t need flowers! I took notice of the wonderful patio furniture and thought to myself, “I will get to have a patio one day! Then I can buy fun furniture.”
I took the shortest route possible to the electronics, cutting through the car section. Without a car of my own, nothing too tempting there. On arrival of the electronic department, they didn’t have what I actually needed (a power cord for my laptop) but they had many other shiny things to bat my eyes at. Suddenly I remembered that my phone could break if I dropped it and I might need to get a cover for it. I thought about the fact that I lost my jump drive. I looked at a bunch of stuff I don’t even know what was. Somehow I escaped…
I left the electronics and looked down at my belt. After a year in Nigeria, it looks as though a dog chewed on it for a good hour or so. I need a new belt. I found one for a decent price and headed to the grocery section. I dodged the grocery carts that drive through the aisles somewhat similarly to the cars in Nigeria. I am surprised we haven’t attached horns to those beasts yet. I began feeling a tad bit suffocated at all of the food and the options and the people. I grabbed a few small things and booked it as fast as possible.
I left with a belt and some food. I’m on a very strict budget right now yet the store screamed temptation after temptation to me. I hate that. I don’t need that…stop telling me I do!
Just as I was talking about in my previous post, we all have our struggles. It’s easy to come back here and be really judgmental. It’s easy to look at everyone and our choices, our conveniences, our luxuries and think poorly on everything “rich.” I used to be that way a bit, when I was in college. I thought about the people who had nothing and looked at big houses, fancy cars, and expensive clothes and I judged. You’d think for someone like that, after returning from a year in Nigeria, I would be even worse. Thankfully that’s not the case.
It’s not wrong to have nice things. It’s not wrong to spend money or to have material possessions.
What’s wrong is when we buy things we don’t need at all only because we allow ourselves to buy into the lies whispered into our ear by the media and our society. We spend our money on stuff that is actually pointless and wasteful and give about 1/150th of that money to people who only want to buy things they need and nothing more. What’s wrong is when we take what we do have for granted. What’s wrong is when we complain because we can’t afford an iphone, but only a knock-off touch phone. The problem comes in when we have everything we need at our fingertips and we are still complaining because it’s not exactly what we want and closing our eyes to people barely making it. Just as much, it’s about getting what we want and then hoarding it, protecting it, keeping it to all to ourselves.
My roommate’s friend has a mansion-like house in Tennessee. It’s incredible, it’s beautiful, and it’s very, very expensive. Is it wrong for her to have that house as a single woman when there are hundreds of homeless people living in her very city? Is it wrong of her not to sell it and give the money to people who could use it much more? Of course not because this woman uses her privilege in an incredible way. She invites other women to live there. She has guests over as a place of refuge. She has made a community out of it. She actually uses it to help and to offer love.
It’s not about whether or not you have fancy things when other people don’t, it’s about what you do with those things and your attitude about those things (and your attitude about the people who don’t).
Wal-Mart and general marketing in America tries to tell us something different. They tell us we need things we don’t need and for whatever reason we convince ourselves its true and we waste our money and we allow our self-image to be thrown into a box constructed by capitalism.
Or something like that...
If there is any place in America that upon your arrival you are bombarded with the idea that you need a million things that you don’t actually need, it is this store.
I was dropped off in the gardening section. I noticed how beautiful the flowers looked and reminded myself that I was going to be moving to Chicago in just less than two months. I don’t need flowers! I took notice of the wonderful patio furniture and thought to myself, “I will get to have a patio one day! Then I can buy fun furniture.”
I took the shortest route possible to the electronics, cutting through the car section. Without a car of my own, nothing too tempting there. On arrival of the electronic department, they didn’t have what I actually needed (a power cord for my laptop) but they had many other shiny things to bat my eyes at. Suddenly I remembered that my phone could break if I dropped it and I might need to get a cover for it. I thought about the fact that I lost my jump drive. I looked at a bunch of stuff I don’t even know what was. Somehow I escaped…
I left the electronics and looked down at my belt. After a year in Nigeria, it looks as though a dog chewed on it for a good hour or so. I need a new belt. I found one for a decent price and headed to the grocery section. I dodged the grocery carts that drive through the aisles somewhat similarly to the cars in Nigeria. I am surprised we haven’t attached horns to those beasts yet. I began feeling a tad bit suffocated at all of the food and the options and the people. I grabbed a few small things and booked it as fast as possible.
I left with a belt and some food. I’m on a very strict budget right now yet the store screamed temptation after temptation to me. I hate that. I don’t need that…stop telling me I do!
Just as I was talking about in my previous post, we all have our struggles. It’s easy to come back here and be really judgmental. It’s easy to look at everyone and our choices, our conveniences, our luxuries and think poorly on everything “rich.” I used to be that way a bit, when I was in college. I thought about the people who had nothing and looked at big houses, fancy cars, and expensive clothes and I judged. You’d think for someone like that, after returning from a year in Nigeria, I would be even worse. Thankfully that’s not the case.
It’s not wrong to have nice things. It’s not wrong to spend money or to have material possessions.
What’s wrong is when we buy things we don’t need at all only because we allow ourselves to buy into the lies whispered into our ear by the media and our society. We spend our money on stuff that is actually pointless and wasteful and give about 1/150th of that money to people who only want to buy things they need and nothing more. What’s wrong is when we take what we do have for granted. What’s wrong is when we complain because we can’t afford an iphone, but only a knock-off touch phone. The problem comes in when we have everything we need at our fingertips and we are still complaining because it’s not exactly what we want and closing our eyes to people barely making it. Just as much, it’s about getting what we want and then hoarding it, protecting it, keeping it to all to ourselves.
My roommate’s friend has a mansion-like house in Tennessee. It’s incredible, it’s beautiful, and it’s very, very expensive. Is it wrong for her to have that house as a single woman when there are hundreds of homeless people living in her very city? Is it wrong of her not to sell it and give the money to people who could use it much more? Of course not because this woman uses her privilege in an incredible way. She invites other women to live there. She has guests over as a place of refuge. She has made a community out of it. She actually uses it to help and to offer love.
It’s not about whether or not you have fancy things when other people don’t, it’s about what you do with those things and your attitude about those things (and your attitude about the people who don’t).
Wal-Mart and general marketing in America tries to tell us something different. They tell us we need things we don’t need and for whatever reason we convince ourselves its true and we waste our money and we allow our self-image to be thrown into a box constructed by capitalism.
Or something like that...
Well, I’ve been home for about 9 full days now and today is my first day of rest. Yesterday I was given the opportunity to speak at my church four different times and it was such a joy to get to share. I am getting calls for more opportunities. It’s so important to me to get to speak on Nigeria and so refreshing to have such open ears before me.
I have had a blast spending time with loves ones the past week. I had a friend get married and another friend preparing to do so. I have very close friends moving away and other friends going through pretty tough struggles. Its life as normal I suppose.
I have been somewhat surprised at how easy it has actually been for me to adjust. I have my moments where all I can think about is my friends back in Nigeria and I am frustrated with the way certain things are here, but the reality is that I was so overwhelmed and frustrated with things in Nigeria too that it seems to even out a bit.
There seems to be a huge difference in doing short-term mission trips and long-term mission trips in that after a short term mission trip it is hard to see all the “bad” things about a place and to glorify it and the struggles people endure. However, when you live somewhere you are able to appreciate the place for its strengths and its weaknesses and again we find that we are all more alike than we realize.
There is a song by Alli Rogers that goes like this:
Mary’s just opening her eyes
Her child’s feet land on the ground
and dirt scatters
And she feels left out in the open
always left out in the open
She says, “son, wear my shoes to school today”
He turns and smiles and walks away
and she thinks to herself…
Someday I will wake
where the earth is clean and safe
My children have a place to play,
not here in Tanzania
And someday I will live
in a house that’s built by
hands that hold the world
It’s eight hours earlier in Chattanooga
Mary sits down and Jen has just put the coffee on
Katie Couric is talking news and fashion
and Jen feels pushed into a corner,
always pushed into a corner, she says
“Baby I know what girls at school are like”
And her daughter rides off on her bike
and Jen thinks to herself
Someday I will wake
where my children get a break
And there are chances that they’ll take,
not here in Chattanooga,
Someday I will live
in a house that’s built by
hands that hold the world
Well it’s hard to be mother
and it’s hard to be a woman
and it’s hard to live in Africa sometimes
It’s hard to be mother
and it’s hard to be a woman
and it’s hard to live in America sometimes
But someday I will wake
in a body that won’t break
On ground that doesn’t shake, not here
And someday I will live
in a house that’s built by hands that hold the world
Pretty much sums up how I feel.
No one has life easy...
I might have physical struggles...
You might have emotional struggles...
Someone else might have family struggles...
No one has it easy.
Much more to say on this though...unfortunately my battery is about to die and my power cord just killed over.
I have had a blast spending time with loves ones the past week. I had a friend get married and another friend preparing to do so. I have very close friends moving away and other friends going through pretty tough struggles. Its life as normal I suppose.
I have been somewhat surprised at how easy it has actually been for me to adjust. I have my moments where all I can think about is my friends back in Nigeria and I am frustrated with the way certain things are here, but the reality is that I was so overwhelmed and frustrated with things in Nigeria too that it seems to even out a bit.
There seems to be a huge difference in doing short-term mission trips and long-term mission trips in that after a short term mission trip it is hard to see all the “bad” things about a place and to glorify it and the struggles people endure. However, when you live somewhere you are able to appreciate the place for its strengths and its weaknesses and again we find that we are all more alike than we realize.
There is a song by Alli Rogers that goes like this:
Mary’s just opening her eyes
Her child’s feet land on the ground
and dirt scatters
And she feels left out in the open
always left out in the open
She says, “son, wear my shoes to school today”
He turns and smiles and walks away
and she thinks to herself…
Someday I will wake
where the earth is clean and safe
My children have a place to play,
not here in Tanzania
And someday I will live
in a house that’s built by
hands that hold the world
It’s eight hours earlier in Chattanooga
Mary sits down and Jen has just put the coffee on
Katie Couric is talking news and fashion
and Jen feels pushed into a corner,
always pushed into a corner, she says
“Baby I know what girls at school are like”
And her daughter rides off on her bike
and Jen thinks to herself
Someday I will wake
where my children get a break
And there are chances that they’ll take,
not here in Chattanooga,
Someday I will live
in a house that’s built by
hands that hold the world
Well it’s hard to be mother
and it’s hard to be a woman
and it’s hard to live in Africa sometimes
It’s hard to be mother
and it’s hard to be a woman
and it’s hard to live in America sometimes
But someday I will wake
in a body that won’t break
On ground that doesn’t shake, not here
And someday I will live
in a house that’s built by hands that hold the world
Pretty much sums up how I feel.
No one has life easy...
I might have physical struggles...
You might have emotional struggles...
Someone else might have family struggles...
No one has it easy.
Much more to say on this though...unfortunately my battery is about to die and my power cord just killed over.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
There are so many things going on in my mind and my heart and over the past few days I have been dying to sit with them and write. I found myself with the chance to do so this morning and just a paragraph into it, I gave up.
I am doing well, but there seems to be so many things to think about and I am finding it somewhat tough to simply rest. I want to work through my thoughts and am hoping that will happen in the next couple of days. It has been nearly a week in the U.S. I can hardly believe it. I am just on vacation right? This is over in another week and I return to Nigeria? That's exactly how it feels. Just taking a break.
I've got another busy day ahead of me, including going to my grandmother's grave. I missed her funeral so it's important to me to at least get to do this. A bed of emotions sit dormant beneath the chaos I am either choosing or is choosing me. I'm not sure which one it is just yet.
I am doing well, but there seems to be so many things to think about and I am finding it somewhat tough to simply rest. I want to work through my thoughts and am hoping that will happen in the next couple of days. It has been nearly a week in the U.S. I can hardly believe it. I am just on vacation right? This is over in another week and I return to Nigeria? That's exactly how it feels. Just taking a break.
I've got another busy day ahead of me, including going to my grandmother's grave. I missed her funeral so it's important to me to at least get to do this. A bed of emotions sit dormant beneath the chaos I am either choosing or is choosing me. I'm not sure which one it is just yet.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Sleeping will come with time, right?
Well, if this isn’t one of the strangest feelings ever, I’m not sure what is.
There was an incredible crowd of about thirty people at the airport yesterday when I arrived in Pensacola. I could hear my name all the way from the gate and saw the posters waving. I was the last one off of the plane because I had the crappiest seat (its so loud next to the engine!) and the woman in front of me said, “someone is about to be really happy.” I said, “It’s me!!!”
I cannot describe the feeling that I had when I finally saw all the faces I have been so longing to see all there before me. Indescribable. It was so overwhelming, but in the best way.
It’s 6:30 am right now and I had really thought that I would be able to sleep but apparently jet lag is a little stronger than I expected. It was the strangest thing to wake up here and my mind is going, going, going! My body is shaky. I don’t know if that is the jet lag or the emotions.
I am staying with my cousin for a little while and as I curled up into my bed, covered with a down comforter and incredible sheets I just couldn’t believe the experience. I thanked God and then thought of all my friends in Nigeria who would just die to experience this kind of bed! When I woke up this morning, the wood floor felt so strange under my feat. I went into the bathroom half expecting the power not to turn on and when it did I remembered that’s an expectation I need to no longer carry…it will always turn on. The water runs, the toilet flushes, I am using this computer from the crazy comfortable bed. It’s all so overwhelming.
I have no water to fetch but I am going to find some chores to do as my morning chores are not a habit I want to lose. I want to go on a run but I have to find some shoes to wear. People might think it a little strange if I am jogging down the street barefoot. Not that I’m not used to people thinking I’m strange!
I’m listening to my favorite Nigerian tunes that Chidinma put on a CD for me before I left. The only thing that could make me 100% content would be to have her a few others here experiencing all of this with me.
That would be bliss…
There was an incredible crowd of about thirty people at the airport yesterday when I arrived in Pensacola. I could hear my name all the way from the gate and saw the posters waving. I was the last one off of the plane because I had the crappiest seat (its so loud next to the engine!) and the woman in front of me said, “someone is about to be really happy.” I said, “It’s me!!!”
I cannot describe the feeling that I had when I finally saw all the faces I have been so longing to see all there before me. Indescribable. It was so overwhelming, but in the best way.
It’s 6:30 am right now and I had really thought that I would be able to sleep but apparently jet lag is a little stronger than I expected. It was the strangest thing to wake up here and my mind is going, going, going! My body is shaky. I don’t know if that is the jet lag or the emotions.
I am staying with my cousin for a little while and as I curled up into my bed, covered with a down comforter and incredible sheets I just couldn’t believe the experience. I thanked God and then thought of all my friends in Nigeria who would just die to experience this kind of bed! When I woke up this morning, the wood floor felt so strange under my feat. I went into the bathroom half expecting the power not to turn on and when it did I remembered that’s an expectation I need to no longer carry…it will always turn on. The water runs, the toilet flushes, I am using this computer from the crazy comfortable bed. It’s all so overwhelming.
I have no water to fetch but I am going to find some chores to do as my morning chores are not a habit I want to lose. I want to go on a run but I have to find some shoes to wear. People might think it a little strange if I am jogging down the street barefoot. Not that I’m not used to people thinking I’m strange!
I’m listening to my favorite Nigerian tunes that Chidinma put on a CD for me before I left. The only thing that could make me 100% content would be to have her a few others here experiencing all of this with me.
That would be bliss…
Friday, June 19, 2009
The A/C is too much!!!
By the skin of my teeth and pleading prayer, I made it out of Nigeria and onto the soil of American ground…well, the tile anyway.
It’s overwhelming; I’m not going to lie. As we landed in Atlanta I was amazed at the size of the airport and how many airplanes were going up and coming down one after another. I know it shouldn’t seem like that surprising of an act as this is the place I have spent the previous 22 years of my life, but nonetheless it is very, very strange.
I didn’t expect to make it home tonight. When I arrived at the airport in Lagos this morning, just as was the case with Ifeoma, they could not locate my ticket. They told me I would have to purchase an entire ticket when I actually only owed $250. I was beside myself. I did everything I could to hold myself together until I finally gave up as the ticket counters were closing. I asked for my luggage back and a higher management saw my distress. He had the problem solved in only a minute and I was the last passenger to board the plane. I had been waiting to buy all of my gifts in the airport as they have the best ones, but that opportunity was unfortunately missed when I was practically running to catch my plane. I didn’t tell you all out of fear you would worry too much but the whole immigration issue was quite dramatic by Wednesday as well. However, by the grace of God, I am now sitting in the Atlanta airport for the next couple of hours until I leave at 11pm (4 am according to Nigeria time!) for Pensacola.
I made a great friend on the airplane; a young man from India who is training as a pilot in Miami. He made the torturously long flight home a little more bearable by providing me with good company. He has lived in Nigeria since December but has lived a much different life than I. He ate up my stories and I thanked God for the life-as-a-Nigerian experience that I had. It was a long flight, but not too terrible.
I’m exhausted, to say the least. I also seem to have acquired pinkeye again on the airplane. Not sure how I managed to go 23 years without it only to get it twice in the same month. Guess I’m just lucky like that. It’s nearly midnight my time and I had to wake up at 4:30 am this morning to get to the airport so my body is a bit confused on how to feel…sort of like my mind and my heart.
I bought myself a cup of real coffee. Dollars looked and felt weird in my hand. It now looks like fake money to me. The smells of food are overwhelming and honestly makes me feel a bit sick, especially when looking at the pictures of fries, burgers, and other foods that suddenly seem…blegh. I can hardly type on the computer because I can’t keep my eyes on the screen. I can’t help but want to watch everyone; the interactions are so different here.
I miss the friendliness of Nigeria already. People here think you are weird when you maintain eye contact; they look away. I sat at the baggage claim for luggage from Lagos as long as I could. I felt like when I left that place, I would really be leaving Nigeria for who knows how long. Good-bye was really hard. A lot of tears were shed.
The faces definitely linger in my mind and the tears stay threatening to fall if I will allow them. I’m glad to be home, but now I have two homes.
All of that aside, I am ecstatic to see everyone in a matter of hours!!!
It’s overwhelming; I’m not going to lie. As we landed in Atlanta I was amazed at the size of the airport and how many airplanes were going up and coming down one after another. I know it shouldn’t seem like that surprising of an act as this is the place I have spent the previous 22 years of my life, but nonetheless it is very, very strange.
I didn’t expect to make it home tonight. When I arrived at the airport in Lagos this morning, just as was the case with Ifeoma, they could not locate my ticket. They told me I would have to purchase an entire ticket when I actually only owed $250. I was beside myself. I did everything I could to hold myself together until I finally gave up as the ticket counters were closing. I asked for my luggage back and a higher management saw my distress. He had the problem solved in only a minute and I was the last passenger to board the plane. I had been waiting to buy all of my gifts in the airport as they have the best ones, but that opportunity was unfortunately missed when I was practically running to catch my plane. I didn’t tell you all out of fear you would worry too much but the whole immigration issue was quite dramatic by Wednesday as well. However, by the grace of God, I am now sitting in the Atlanta airport for the next couple of hours until I leave at 11pm (4 am according to Nigeria time!) for Pensacola.
I made a great friend on the airplane; a young man from India who is training as a pilot in Miami. He made the torturously long flight home a little more bearable by providing me with good company. He has lived in Nigeria since December but has lived a much different life than I. He ate up my stories and I thanked God for the life-as-a-Nigerian experience that I had. It was a long flight, but not too terrible.
I’m exhausted, to say the least. I also seem to have acquired pinkeye again on the airplane. Not sure how I managed to go 23 years without it only to get it twice in the same month. Guess I’m just lucky like that. It’s nearly midnight my time and I had to wake up at 4:30 am this morning to get to the airport so my body is a bit confused on how to feel…sort of like my mind and my heart.
I bought myself a cup of real coffee. Dollars looked and felt weird in my hand. It now looks like fake money to me. The smells of food are overwhelming and honestly makes me feel a bit sick, especially when looking at the pictures of fries, burgers, and other foods that suddenly seem…blegh. I can hardly type on the computer because I can’t keep my eyes on the screen. I can’t help but want to watch everyone; the interactions are so different here.
I miss the friendliness of Nigeria already. People here think you are weird when you maintain eye contact; they look away. I sat at the baggage claim for luggage from Lagos as long as I could. I felt like when I left that place, I would really be leaving Nigeria for who knows how long. Good-bye was really hard. A lot of tears were shed.
The faces definitely linger in my mind and the tears stay threatening to fall if I will allow them. I’m glad to be home, but now I have two homes.
All of that aside, I am ecstatic to see everyone in a matter of hours!!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Returning Home
Well, it's my last day in Owerri and it has been incredible. It's no easy thing to say good-bye to the wonderful family that I have here. I feel so blessed.
I will updated when I can, probably Saturday or Sunday. Please pray for my journey back and that there will be no unexpected challenges. I'll be leaving in the morning and arriving in the US on Friday night if all goes well.
Thanks for being a part of this part of my journey here. It's not an end as far as I am concerned...just another step.
So thus far...thank you!!!
I will updated when I can, probably Saturday or Sunday. Please pray for my journey back and that there will be no unexpected challenges. I'll be leaving in the morning and arriving in the US on Friday night if all goes well.
Thanks for being a part of this part of my journey here. It's not an end as far as I am concerned...just another step.
So thus far...thank you!!!
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